Sunday, September 10, 2017

So Glad to Dave Barry Back To Make Me Laugh

9/7/17 Miami Herald:
Even with Irma knocking at our door, we here in Miami are NOT FREAKING OUT AT ALL!
Here’s how I know a hurricane is coming: We have lentils.
We NEVER eat lentils. I am not 100 percent sure what a lentil is. I do know for a fact that not once has anybody in our household ever said, “You know what would be great for dinner tonight? Lentils!”
But at the moment we have roughly a 45-year supply of lentils on hand. This is because we are in Hurricane Preparedness Freakout Mode, and one of the things we Floridians do in this mode is go to Publix and get in long lines to buy mass quantities of things we will never eat. Publix could put out a big display of cans labeled “Toad Intestines Packed In Snail Vomit” and we Floridians would snap them all up in minutes. That’s how prepared we are.


  1. Blast from the Dave Barry past.

    "In foreign affairs, world concern focused on the fact that North Korea might be on the verge of developing nuclear weapons, thereby joining the exclusive International A-Bomb Club that currently is limited to the United States, Britain, France, China, India, Israel, Pakistan, Russia, Zrzkzistan, Urzkzkrstan, Stanstanistan, Burundi, Wales, Vermont, the Dallas Cowboys and Bill Gates. President Clinton, determined to deal with the North Koreans at the highest level, immediately summoned Secretary of State Warren Christopher to the Oval Office to see if he knew Jimmy Carter's phone number."


  2. Lentils are like beans or peas. I really like Progreso Lentil Soup.