Wednesday, May 6, 2015

A Plea To Help A Worthy Cause

My wife went to perform and preach at the Boise Rescue Mission's Women & Children's Shelter recently, and I tagged along to help bring food and supplies.  Mostly, these are women (with their kids) who are running from abusive and violent husbands and boyfriends.  My daughter has done a lot of work with treating batterers over the last few years, and is now counseling kids whose stepfathers are going to prison for sexual abuse.  (Clue 1: Videoing your felonies is never wise.) Looking around the room while my wife spoke and sang, all that I could think of was that a lot of women must have very serious self-esteem problems to hook up with such abusive men, and I run into examples of this a little too often here in Boise County.  The damage being done to children, and especially little girls is just horrendous, causing a lifetime of incredibly bad choices. 

2 comments:

w said...

And sadly many are also probably fleeing unhappy experiences with their parents to leap into the abuse of that loser guy they hook up with.

What a mess!

Will said...

The main problem is that girls with low self-esteem are attracted to the type of guy who will treat them poorly. They think that is what they DESERVE! This is why they will leave a nice guy after they realize that he won't abuse her. VERY common problem here in the US.

The "bad boy" persona? This is why they are so popular with the girls, as the girls expect they will get some mistreatment from them. If they get treated nicely, they don't hang around for long.

This was a major revelation to me, around '82 or so. Shared a rental with an ex-lover, and got to see it up close. I became her confidant, and got to see all the guys that chased her, and the ones she chased. After that, I could spot similar girls pretty quickly. Just watching them across the room, or in a store, would key me in. Very depressing. Ruined the dating scene for me. The percentage of them was huge.

At that time, it occurred to me that if I could spot it so easily, abusers probably could also do it.

My guess was it was bad parenting that caused it, or at least didn't stop it from developing. They almost always had a bad family history of some sort.