Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Baltimore PD On Facebook


If it pleases the court, we will ensure we safeguard this firearm and ensure the safety of all in the village of Lord Baltimore. 
Whilst this young lad possessed this weapon illegally, his punishment shall not include that of public stoning nor shaming. 
He therefore shall be recommended as a candidate for reenactment just up the road in Gettysburg.
You too, can be a Constable on Patrol (Cop) in Lord Baltimore. Assist us in going after "time travelers" and "rapscallions" wishing to do harm to members of our town, destroy ye property, and disrupt our quality of life.  
I was under the impression that John Wilkes Booth was no longer alive. 
And Baltimore PD liked that one.

Officers also recovered a monocle, top hat, and distressed damsel.
Did they miss the coil of rope for tying her to the train tracks? 
This is the first gun you have access to in Grand Theft Auto: Gettysburg.
 If it pleases the Peasants, brave Constables wish to inform us they have apprehended a young rapscallion armed with a pepperbox whilst operating his horseless carriage.
Geez people, cut the guy some slack. He's survived polio, the plague, and the civil war. He needs this gun to begin his new life on the wild frontier. 
When you're a gangsta AND a Civil War re-enactor, but can only afford one gun. 
Loaded with what? I'm more curious as to how he stole this gun from the Smithsonian. Somebody call the Smithsonian and let them know Baltimore PD found their missing artifact. 
his guy is gonna get some time. Ballistics matched the 🔫 to an unsolved murder in the Jamestown settlement and 2 stagecoach robberies in the Louisiana territory. Glad we can finally clear those cases off the books,
If you have Facbook go read this.  There are literally thousands of comments, almost all riotously funny.  One guy is waiting for the TV version: Extremely Cold Case Files, or CSI: Antiquity. 

1 comment:

Will said...

Wrong tape. That is supposed to be "friction" tape, not the later shiny, smooth, electrical tape. It's purpose was to keep the gun from from sliding down from your waistband, and give you something to hold onto, as the original tiny grips on revolvers are pathetic. May also have been impossible to get fingerprints from the rough texture.